4 and 1

I am pumped! Today is the 21st of December which means there are four days until Christmas '10. It also means that tomorrow is my last day of school, before vacation. I still have almost six months before I graduate, June 8th! It has been kind of busy lately, and I don't even know how to cope. Mom has been busy cleaning the house so it isn't a mess before Kristina, Sean, Brayden, and Grammy come over for Christmas morning. I am quite excited. It should be interesting because Kristina wasn't too happy about us not going to her house for Christmas morning, when truthfully I didn't want to anyways. I would rather have Christmas at my house, where I can roll out of bed, stay in pajamas, and mozy into the living. Oh that's the life.

Lately, I have been thinking about a lot of things: past relationships and whether I regret them, what will happen to me in the future, or even if someone who I see almost every day at school likes me; and I don't even think I like him. I just have issues. I think if there is one relationship I miss it would be my last one. It just seemed like that was when I was the happiest, but I know that I can't go back to that time and it will be hard to mimic. That's just how it is, I just have to look forward to the future, but at least there are fond memories that I can look back on.

I have also been having weird dreams too. And when I say weird, I mean it. Like, I don't even know where to start. I had one where I was pregnant, and I won't go into too much detail for this one, but my body had symptoms of the pregnancy that is the complete opposite of how it should be. Yeah, I know, don't even say it. Some of the dreams last night were weird but some were actually pretty awesome. My family was going to get a dog, so we saw an ad in the newspaper, and we had to meet them at McDonald's to meet them and the little dog, and when we get there they have the dog hidden inside of the guys jackets. All three of them were just sitting and eating like nothing was out of the ordinary. Oh, and did I mention that these guys were in college and wicked hawt! Ow ow. Mom was trying to embarrass me, which I wasn't too happy about but after I was hanging out with them in their dorm room. Then some girl said something to me along the lines of "And you left your home without your pull-ups" and I smeared something on her face, I think it was either ketchup or salsa because it was red. Haha. That was pretty much the end of that one because Shadow woke me up. Tubby! The next dream, well two that kind of mixed, was kind of strange, and I am so mean in this one. Think of the movie Zombieland, then mix that with post apocalyptic era and World War II and you have the setting for the dream. I was at college alone because everyone left to go home but my parents didn't want me to drive home alone so Dad and Uncle Ron were coming up, one to drive me and one to take my car. I was told to wait in my dorm room, with the door locked, and to not let anyone in. After someone came to my room yelling saying that the building was going to blow up, which worried me so I opened the door and some guy was there and tried to strangle me and my dad came up with his shot gun and started beating him up and almost shot him but I told him that we needed to leave. The next part of the dream makes no sense, but I was in a SUV and grocery shopping and I saw one of my friends mom outside and she was asking for help, cause supposedly I was a cop or something, and I ignored her and just drove off and that is when I woke up. Does someone want to analyze my dreams for me, I want to know what they mean.

That's pretty much my life right now.

Song of the Week: Where are You Christmas by Faith Hill
I am trying to be in the Christmas mood, haha.

Take It Easy

That pretty much explains everything I am feeling and thinking at this moment. I have been so stressed with everything that is going on in life right now that my mind and body is barely holding together, and I mean barely. I have been stressed about getting into college, paying for it, and most importantly and recently choosing between Farmington and Machias. I am terrified that I make the wrong choice and ruin my future. I have been stressed about paying for college, ecspecially since Saturday, when I decided to quit my job, which add unneeded stress. Saturday night, I was so nervous and stressed that I was physically sick and couldn't stand the look or smell of any food. Sunday wasn't much better. I barely ate anything because my stomach was bothering me, and we had whipped potatoes which is my favorite but I couldn't stomach it. Peanut Butter was even worse, the smell just nauseated me. GROSS! And every time I begin to think about quitting and the many thoughts that come with that, like returning the apron and how I am kind of a failure, my stomach begins to knot and I begin shaking and getting dizzy. Which isn't healthy, so I hope this is done soon.

So, Dad and I went shopping for mom's Christmas presents, and all I can say was it was very interesting seeing dad get mad at all the knuckle heads who don't know how to drive. Then I had to wrap them, and I HATE WRAPPING! Well, atleast it is about done, I just have to put something into a bag, no more wrapping paper, and then I am finished with it!

Christmas is right around the corner. :) I am excited!! And I am now at a loss of words, so I better stop before I start rambling.

Song of the Week: Ai No Uta by Mai Fukui
It is the theme song for a drama/movie for Koizora. It is a heart wrenching story about a girl, who has only had one boyfriend before, meets a popular boy and his scary friend. She believes him to scary because she saw him in a fight right outside her class room, but they later become friends and even more. It is worth reading and watching. Warning: The manga isn't finished so if you want to know the end you have to watch the drama or movie. I suggest the drama. It follows the manga closer, but there are still many differences between all three of them.