Terribible.....

Have you ever noticed that you may change over time? I am right now, and I don't like who I have become. I have become a person who is mean and rude to people that I don't even know. I am talking to people behind their back. I am even judging people on their looks, and making decisions based on it. When did I become so superficial? I think I may like this guy, but I found out one thing is holding me back from going for it, I think I would be embarassed to be seen in public with him. He is a bigger person, and he is genuinely sweet and considerate but the superficial person that has become to be me is taking over, and I don't like it. I have told myself that I am going to change. This is definetely immature and I want it gone. If someone actually likes being this immature and enjoys it, I want to know why? You should really think about it?

There is one thing I don't understand though, why someone would ignore their friends but act like nothing is happened. I feel terrible about that. No one should be ignored, ecspecially when they are new, and don't have many friends. Why would you ignore someone, so randomly. You used to tell me that you hated being ignored by someone, or even hated by someone, and not even knowing the reason, so why are you being a hypocrite and doing it now?

I think it has become funny how people are now regretting decisions made.

Things around me are also changing around me, and it's so weird. I don't know what I will do. People are getting ready for college and sending out their applications, writing their essays, and looking for scholarships. I think that it is starting to become scary but the stress will just have to be put off to the side to get through it.

Well that's pretty much what is going on in my mind.

Song of the Week: All in my Head (gone blank on the author). It is a song on the scrubs sound track.

Reversing it.

I think it is funny how someone can screw them self over by finding out that they made the wrong decision, but you know what? It isn't my problem, and hasn't been since you made that decision. Haha.

Last weekend was homecoming weekend and it was pretty awesome I must say. I went to the bonfire on Friday night and it was pretty fun the last half hour, but the beginning wasn't as good, but what can you do? I mostly hang out with Kayla the whole time while the rest of my friends excluded us and ignored us. It was much better later on when we talked about codes for other things, and Erik wore my belt.

Homecoming was Saturday and it wasn't too bad. We won the game 55 to 27, the first game we have won, weird. Then I went to Kayla's house to get ready and her mother is a miracle worker. I screwed up my hair while I was trying to curl it, never again will I do that. Then we went where I got my belt back from Erik for one of my belts. His belts don't fit him well but mine do. I didn't do anything Sunday, I think. I mostly just jung around the house and went on errands. Monday, we had no school, and Dad was home from New Hampshire as well. We played Super Mario Galaxy 2, well I played and he tried to feel needed as "Starbit Man" and he liked holding the enemies and shooting the star bits.

This week was quite boring. I didn't do much but homework and more homework. But I have had a lot on mind. I am trying to figure out how I feel about someone. I feel like there may be something but I just don't know. I know I won't make any decisions about what to do until I choose what college I am going to. Speaking of college, I am starting to stress a little about getting all the stuff that I need on time. I know that I shouldn't but I am. I want to make sure that the two colleges that I am applying to will get my stuff. I just remembered that I really need to start writing my essay. Early action for UMF is November 15th so I have to get it done and get the teacher recomendation letters.

Well that's kind of it for now. Haha.

Song of the Moment: My Will
It is the first ending song for Inuyasha.

Manga of the Week: Inuyasha and Shura to Otome
Inuyasha was introduced to me by Alicia and I have finished watching all the episodes that were dubbed in english that was on Adult Swim. I have found a website that has the manga up, Yay!!
Shura to Otome is a cute story but some people may not like it because it gets too sexual for some people. I think the plotline is so cute but sad. Yes, it is a romance/tragedy.

Oh My Gawd!

I am so sorry it has been almost two weeks since I last posted anything at all. So much is happening and it is completely crazy. So I will start with the relationship between me and Mat. Mat broke up with me, which I didn't see coming at all, but it's high school and these things happen a lot. Oh well, nothing to do but move on, and he moves fast. He might say the opposite, but he is hitting on my friends sister, who is a freshman. He is doing allegria, even though he told me while we were dating that he didn't want to do it (ouch), and he is also going to Homecoming with her. The funniest thing (it's not really all that funny), but I was trying to not worry about every little thing and be stronger about what is happening around me, and right when I was making improvements Mat dumped me, and if I was worried about stuff that was happening I would have saw it coming and not have worried about it. Just my luck. I am not mad at her or even him, I am just more hurt that everything went down in one week, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, and that wasn't even all of the bad stuff that happened that week. About ten minutes after Mat broke up with me, I got a message from John, who is in my CBL class, on facebook asking me what's up. We were talking and I told him about Mat breaking up with me, which he replied by saying that it was a coincidence, he asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him, which I said it was way too early for me to get back into dating. I texted him non-stop for 3 days, the fourth day turned bad. He was always pushing us dating which I got used to after a while, but he said that I would have to tell him if I didn't want to date him because he wouldn't talk to me after that so he could "get over" me. So there was more stress put on me about it. He also told me that night that if we dated that I wouldn't be allowed to talk to Mat anymore, and at that point we were still trying to be friends and go back to the way it was before everything happened, as I like to say "being mature". So I told him that I couldn't date him if that was the case and he hasn't talked me or even looked at me since then. I want to know one thing, why are guys such jerks and don't think about how the other person is feeling or even what they are thinking? Now these are the questions that should be answered. All I know is my trip to Machias couldn't have come at a better time.

That weekend right after everything happened was the weekend I went to Machias, and thank God it was. It really helped me cool down and feel better, if only for a weekend. Kait picked me up right after school and we left. I was so happy to be leaving Winslow without any regrets or anything holding me back. I could do what I wanted without worrying about what my boyfriend would think or be okay with. I met many hawt and mature guys there. I went to the Rush, which is a sorority informational and we hung out the whole time. I loved the freedom and I can't wait to leave Winslow and all the drama again when I go to college as a freshman.

After that, John continued to ignore me, which he told me that he was going to do. School has been going okay, besides the lunch with Mat. I get very cranky at that lunch. I absolutely hate people there except for a few and everyone just becomes so immature, This week is spirit week and today is Black and Orange Day. Tomorrow, there is a bonfire that I am going to, and I don't know if I am looking forward to it too much, but I will go to see friends. In two days, I will have Homecoming, with no date. Just my luck. Whatever. I will go with Kayla. Who knows what will happen and truthfully I don't really care. I have SAT's that day too. Then after I will be going to the football game then to Kayla's house to get ready.

That's just about it for the update, I know I am boring but oh well. I promise to update this more.

Song of the Moment: If I had You by Adam Lambert

Video of the Moment: Watch it, now! It's hilarious. I feel bad for the innocent woman just walking by, the dog, and the poor people driving around this awesome person.