4 and 1

I am pumped! Today is the 21st of December which means there are four days until Christmas '10. It also means that tomorrow is my last day of school, before vacation. I still have almost six months before I graduate, June 8th! It has been kind of busy lately, and I don't even know how to cope. Mom has been busy cleaning the house so it isn't a mess before Kristina, Sean, Brayden, and Grammy come over for Christmas morning. I am quite excited. It should be interesting because Kristina wasn't too happy about us not going to her house for Christmas morning, when truthfully I didn't want to anyways. I would rather have Christmas at my house, where I can roll out of bed, stay in pajamas, and mozy into the living. Oh that's the life.

Lately, I have been thinking about a lot of things: past relationships and whether I regret them, what will happen to me in the future, or even if someone who I see almost every day at school likes me; and I don't even think I like him. I just have issues. I think if there is one relationship I miss it would be my last one. It just seemed like that was when I was the happiest, but I know that I can't go back to that time and it will be hard to mimic. That's just how it is, I just have to look forward to the future, but at least there are fond memories that I can look back on.

I have also been having weird dreams too. And when I say weird, I mean it. Like, I don't even know where to start. I had one where I was pregnant, and I won't go into too much detail for this one, but my body had symptoms of the pregnancy that is the complete opposite of how it should be. Yeah, I know, don't even say it. Some of the dreams last night were weird but some were actually pretty awesome. My family was going to get a dog, so we saw an ad in the newspaper, and we had to meet them at McDonald's to meet them and the little dog, and when we get there they have the dog hidden inside of the guys jackets. All three of them were just sitting and eating like nothing was out of the ordinary. Oh, and did I mention that these guys were in college and wicked hawt! Ow ow. Mom was trying to embarrass me, which I wasn't too happy about but after I was hanging out with them in their dorm room. Then some girl said something to me along the lines of "And you left your home without your pull-ups" and I smeared something on her face, I think it was either ketchup or salsa because it was red. Haha. That was pretty much the end of that one because Shadow woke me up. Tubby! The next dream, well two that kind of mixed, was kind of strange, and I am so mean in this one. Think of the movie Zombieland, then mix that with post apocalyptic era and World War II and you have the setting for the dream. I was at college alone because everyone left to go home but my parents didn't want me to drive home alone so Dad and Uncle Ron were coming up, one to drive me and one to take my car. I was told to wait in my dorm room, with the door locked, and to not let anyone in. After someone came to my room yelling saying that the building was going to blow up, which worried me so I opened the door and some guy was there and tried to strangle me and my dad came up with his shot gun and started beating him up and almost shot him but I told him that we needed to leave. The next part of the dream makes no sense, but I was in a SUV and grocery shopping and I saw one of my friends mom outside and she was asking for help, cause supposedly I was a cop or something, and I ignored her and just drove off and that is when I woke up. Does someone want to analyze my dreams for me, I want to know what they mean.

That's pretty much my life right now.

Song of the Week: Where are You Christmas by Faith Hill
I am trying to be in the Christmas mood, haha.

Take It Easy

That pretty much explains everything I am feeling and thinking at this moment. I have been so stressed with everything that is going on in life right now that my mind and body is barely holding together, and I mean barely. I have been stressed about getting into college, paying for it, and most importantly and recently choosing between Farmington and Machias. I am terrified that I make the wrong choice and ruin my future. I have been stressed about paying for college, ecspecially since Saturday, when I decided to quit my job, which add unneeded stress. Saturday night, I was so nervous and stressed that I was physically sick and couldn't stand the look or smell of any food. Sunday wasn't much better. I barely ate anything because my stomach was bothering me, and we had whipped potatoes which is my favorite but I couldn't stomach it. Peanut Butter was even worse, the smell just nauseated me. GROSS! And every time I begin to think about quitting and the many thoughts that come with that, like returning the apron and how I am kind of a failure, my stomach begins to knot and I begin shaking and getting dizzy. Which isn't healthy, so I hope this is done soon.

So, Dad and I went shopping for mom's Christmas presents, and all I can say was it was very interesting seeing dad get mad at all the knuckle heads who don't know how to drive. Then I had to wrap them, and I HATE WRAPPING! Well, atleast it is about done, I just have to put something into a bag, no more wrapping paper, and then I am finished with it!

Christmas is right around the corner. :) I am excited!! And I am now at a loss of words, so I better stop before I start rambling.

Song of the Week: Ai No Uta by Mai Fukui
It is the theme song for a drama/movie for Koizora. It is a heart wrenching story about a girl, who has only had one boyfriend before, meets a popular boy and his scary friend. She believes him to scary because she saw him in a fight right outside her class room, but they later become friends and even more. It is worth reading and watching. Warning: The manga isn't finished so if you want to know the end you have to watch the drama or movie. I suggest the drama. It follows the manga closer, but there are still many differences between all three of them.

Oopsie!

So, I thought I was getting back into the routine of posting blog posts, but it didn't work out so well. I had one just about done but never finished it, and that was a week ago, oh well. Why waste the time I spent writing it, so I will just post what I wrote in this one and then add on.

"I getting back into this, it was only a week since my last post, and let the frustration explode! It is ridiculous that when I suggest something no one listens. And, I would like to just now thank my blog for helping me figure out what I am going to write my "college essay" for my english class on. Woot! Well, now that that is settled I can get back to what I was saying.

I really don't want to rant about people, so I guess I am not. It really isn't nice and my goal is to be nicer, let's hope this works. So, last time I told you that I was going to see Harry Potter in theaters, which didn't happen......so my friend and I went to Pizza Hut with her Mommy and ate there. We then went to her house to have popcorn and watch a movie, while doing make-overs, and oh boy did I need it. The next morning I had to babysit so my mom picked me up.

So, while writing this I was also writing the essay that I mentioned before, and it isn't going good. So, I need another idea and it just really isn't going well. I give up for now. I will write it in my other study hall.

I now have open campus so I could leave during my study halls but there is no point because I am taking the bus after school. I can't wait til I get my license and can leave this place! YES! Oh well, for now I will suffer in study hall.

My friends and I are getting excited for tennis season. We are even counting down the months, we are estimating about 4 or 5 months. Yes! I am so excited I can't believe it. (Essay topic: tennis. I can't do anything!)" Again, there are things that I would like to say but I can't because of circumstances, so I will just move on for now.

I got a job! At Bee's Diner, and the first day was terrible, the owner didn't train me well, so I messed up...a lot. She even thought I needed new glasses because supposedly I was missing spots on dishes and I wasn't getting them cleaned up well, when I triple checked all the dishes. She would also yell at me to do something, but I couldn't do it because she wouldn't tell me where the cellar was to get more apple juice for that order. I felt so bad for the people whose orders I messed up. I couldn't cash out right. Every time I went to do it I would mess up by putting in wrong numbers or putting in too many numbers. When I would ask Ryan how much something cost she would keep spitting put numbers and confusing me even more, which then made me feel worse for the customers. Maybe I am just don't mix with the fast paced business. I held in my break down til I got into the car, then I just exploded. BOOM! I was so stressed after. I really hope this weekend is better because her husband is working instead of her, and people say he is nicer, and also someone else will be working as well so I don't have to just jump right into it.

Dad and I are going Christmas shopping for my Friday, which is a day I have my 4th block study hall, woot!! So I will be able to leave.

Well that's pretty much it.

Song: Adored by Miranda Cosgrove
I haven't been able to listen to it because my ipod is dead.

Woah!

My bad guys, it has been almost a month since the last update and I feel bad about it. I have been crazy busy with stuff that has been happening. So the last time I was ranting about stuff, like I normally do. The weekend after the rant was Make a Difference Day and the day of the festival my CBL class put on for the Barbara Bush Children's Hospital in Portland Maine. We raised about $340 and had about 20 kids come. We were hoping for more but it was so cold and windy, I don't blame people for not coming. After that I spent the night at Cendana's house with Lizzy, Sunny, Alicia, and Cendana. Liz and heather were there for a little while but left. The best part was when I ordered Domino's desserts at 1 in the morning and I think the people thought we were drunk, but it's okay. It was still fun. Not much happened until the next weekend. My Nannie had a massive stroke. I know, what a terrible year for me. She is doing a lot better now. She is in rehab and she has decided not to smoke anymore which is a really good choice.
Not much after that has happened. My friends and I are going to see Harry Potter on Friday and I am spending the night at a friends house everyone.

Lately I have been getting my college application stuff together and I sent it out two weeks ago. Today I got a call from UMM saying I was accepted. I have also been looking for a job and have put in an application into Bee's Diner. Who knows what will happen. I was so excited. I think overall, today has been a pretty good day.

That's pretty much the quick update for my life right now.

Song of the Week: I'm no Superman

Terribible.....

Have you ever noticed that you may change over time? I am right now, and I don't like who I have become. I have become a person who is mean and rude to people that I don't even know. I am talking to people behind their back. I am even judging people on their looks, and making decisions based on it. When did I become so superficial? I think I may like this guy, but I found out one thing is holding me back from going for it, I think I would be embarassed to be seen in public with him. He is a bigger person, and he is genuinely sweet and considerate but the superficial person that has become to be me is taking over, and I don't like it. I have told myself that I am going to change. This is definetely immature and I want it gone. If someone actually likes being this immature and enjoys it, I want to know why? You should really think about it?

There is one thing I don't understand though, why someone would ignore their friends but act like nothing is happened. I feel terrible about that. No one should be ignored, ecspecially when they are new, and don't have many friends. Why would you ignore someone, so randomly. You used to tell me that you hated being ignored by someone, or even hated by someone, and not even knowing the reason, so why are you being a hypocrite and doing it now?

I think it has become funny how people are now regretting decisions made.

Things around me are also changing around me, and it's so weird. I don't know what I will do. People are getting ready for college and sending out their applications, writing their essays, and looking for scholarships. I think that it is starting to become scary but the stress will just have to be put off to the side to get through it.

Well that's pretty much what is going on in my mind.

Song of the Week: All in my Head (gone blank on the author). It is a song on the scrubs sound track.

Reversing it.

I think it is funny how someone can screw them self over by finding out that they made the wrong decision, but you know what? It isn't my problem, and hasn't been since you made that decision. Haha.

Last weekend was homecoming weekend and it was pretty awesome I must say. I went to the bonfire on Friday night and it was pretty fun the last half hour, but the beginning wasn't as good, but what can you do? I mostly hang out with Kayla the whole time while the rest of my friends excluded us and ignored us. It was much better later on when we talked about codes for other things, and Erik wore my belt.

Homecoming was Saturday and it wasn't too bad. We won the game 55 to 27, the first game we have won, weird. Then I went to Kayla's house to get ready and her mother is a miracle worker. I screwed up my hair while I was trying to curl it, never again will I do that. Then we went where I got my belt back from Erik for one of my belts. His belts don't fit him well but mine do. I didn't do anything Sunday, I think. I mostly just jung around the house and went on errands. Monday, we had no school, and Dad was home from New Hampshire as well. We played Super Mario Galaxy 2, well I played and he tried to feel needed as "Starbit Man" and he liked holding the enemies and shooting the star bits.

This week was quite boring. I didn't do much but homework and more homework. But I have had a lot on mind. I am trying to figure out how I feel about someone. I feel like there may be something but I just don't know. I know I won't make any decisions about what to do until I choose what college I am going to. Speaking of college, I am starting to stress a little about getting all the stuff that I need on time. I know that I shouldn't but I am. I want to make sure that the two colleges that I am applying to will get my stuff. I just remembered that I really need to start writing my essay. Early action for UMF is November 15th so I have to get it done and get the teacher recomendation letters.

Well that's kind of it for now. Haha.

Song of the Moment: My Will
It is the first ending song for Inuyasha.

Manga of the Week: Inuyasha and Shura to Otome
Inuyasha was introduced to me by Alicia and I have finished watching all the episodes that were dubbed in english that was on Adult Swim. I have found a website that has the manga up, Yay!!
Shura to Otome is a cute story but some people may not like it because it gets too sexual for some people. I think the plotline is so cute but sad. Yes, it is a romance/tragedy.

Oh My Gawd!

I am so sorry it has been almost two weeks since I last posted anything at all. So much is happening and it is completely crazy. So I will start with the relationship between me and Mat. Mat broke up with me, which I didn't see coming at all, but it's high school and these things happen a lot. Oh well, nothing to do but move on, and he moves fast. He might say the opposite, but he is hitting on my friends sister, who is a freshman. He is doing allegria, even though he told me while we were dating that he didn't want to do it (ouch), and he is also going to Homecoming with her. The funniest thing (it's not really all that funny), but I was trying to not worry about every little thing and be stronger about what is happening around me, and right when I was making improvements Mat dumped me, and if I was worried about stuff that was happening I would have saw it coming and not have worried about it. Just my luck. I am not mad at her or even him, I am just more hurt that everything went down in one week, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, and that wasn't even all of the bad stuff that happened that week. About ten minutes after Mat broke up with me, I got a message from John, who is in my CBL class, on facebook asking me what's up. We were talking and I told him about Mat breaking up with me, which he replied by saying that it was a coincidence, he asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him, which I said it was way too early for me to get back into dating. I texted him non-stop for 3 days, the fourth day turned bad. He was always pushing us dating which I got used to after a while, but he said that I would have to tell him if I didn't want to date him because he wouldn't talk to me after that so he could "get over" me. So there was more stress put on me about it. He also told me that night that if we dated that I wouldn't be allowed to talk to Mat anymore, and at that point we were still trying to be friends and go back to the way it was before everything happened, as I like to say "being mature". So I told him that I couldn't date him if that was the case and he hasn't talked me or even looked at me since then. I want to know one thing, why are guys such jerks and don't think about how the other person is feeling or even what they are thinking? Now these are the questions that should be answered. All I know is my trip to Machias couldn't have come at a better time.

That weekend right after everything happened was the weekend I went to Machias, and thank God it was. It really helped me cool down and feel better, if only for a weekend. Kait picked me up right after school and we left. I was so happy to be leaving Winslow without any regrets or anything holding me back. I could do what I wanted without worrying about what my boyfriend would think or be okay with. I met many hawt and mature guys there. I went to the Rush, which is a sorority informational and we hung out the whole time. I loved the freedom and I can't wait to leave Winslow and all the drama again when I go to college as a freshman.

After that, John continued to ignore me, which he told me that he was going to do. School has been going okay, besides the lunch with Mat. I get very cranky at that lunch. I absolutely hate people there except for a few and everyone just becomes so immature, This week is spirit week and today is Black and Orange Day. Tomorrow, there is a bonfire that I am going to, and I don't know if I am looking forward to it too much, but I will go to see friends. In two days, I will have Homecoming, with no date. Just my luck. Whatever. I will go with Kayla. Who knows what will happen and truthfully I don't really care. I have SAT's that day too. Then after I will be going to the football game then to Kayla's house to get ready.

That's just about it for the update, I know I am boring but oh well. I promise to update this more.

Song of the Moment: If I had You by Adam Lambert

Video of the Moment: Watch it, now! It's hilarious. I feel bad for the innocent woman just walking by, the dog, and the poor people driving around this awesome person.

Fate

Do you think everything happens for a reason, even if you never find out what that reason is? I do. So much has happened since the last post, and most of it isn't even important. I think it is just crazy how things you don't expect to end ends quickly without even being able to see it come. To understand why I am being so deep in thought is because Mat broke up with me. I had a feeling about it, but I was trying to not worry about everything so I pushed it aside and didn't think about it, and look where it got me. I am not mad at him for breaking up because I wouldn't want him to be miserable while dating me. It happens and I don't blame him one bit. Oh well, who knows what will happen.

I have a new friend. Her name is Kayla and she reminds me a lot of Rhi. She's in my english class and she is from Kansas. Who, from Kansas, would want to come to freezing Maine? Who knows?

We got our laptops today too, which makes me happy cause it is easier to do my homework.

I don't know what else to really say right now. It's been a crazy day but hopefully everything works out in the end.

Song of the Week: The Only Exception by Paramore

School is....

I am not too sure how to explain school but to say school is school. There are always good and bad things to school. Good: seeing my friends, and Mat, a lot more than the summer, and to most people that would be it, but not me for once. I love how I get to go to the elementary school to work with kindergarten kids and still get a credit for high school. Bad: School. Haha. It's all the classes haha.

My schedule is kind of crazy and not like the normal schedule I usually have. On black days I have computer apps., which I must say is a waste of time but for some reason it is a requirement for our school to graduate. Whatever. Second block is when I go to the elementary school. I love working with all the kids. Third is Community Based Learning. This class is very intimidating and scary. In this class, we work together to change the community and spread messages to help. The scary and intimidating part is that at any moment the teacher will tell us to just call someone to get a meeting or something. The last class will be fun. It is english with Mr. Goldsmith. I may actually like english this year too.

Orange days I think will be my favorite. I have two study halls and one of them has Mat in it which makes me happy. The ther one has Mr. Lachapplle for the teacher. Yay! The two classes I actually have that day is my A.P. Calc and Psych. Calc is going to be a difficult class but it doesn't help when I don't really talk to anyone in that class. There's nothing I can really do about it. Psych could be hard because Mr. Thurston is the teacher. I had him last year for HUSH. I hope it will be a fun class.

Well that's just about it for the first few days of super "fun" school.

Favorite Quote: "They were just surrounding me." "They wanted to show that they were just helping the special need kids."
You have to love Lizzy, even though it was fun making fun of her.

Favorite Quote 2: "I drew a house for me and the person I love to live in, and that's you." "Remember, we are just kindergarten friends."
The things the kids say make the world go round.

Song of the moment: Dynamite by Taio Cruz

Oh no, this isn't good.

School starts in 2 days!! It's scary to think I am officially a senior in high school in 3 days. I am sooo pumped. I am going to make the best of the rest of the summer. Hopefully hang with Mat. I do feel accomplished with what happened this summer, that was possible. I wanted to hang out with friends a lot, and with my grandfathers death, it took me a bit to get back to normal. But I got to have a pool party with friends, and hang out with Mat. I think the best part was seeing Rhi for 3 days straight. It had been 6 months since I last saw her.

This school year should completely be the best. I have an awesome boyfriend and a great support system for when my stress makes me explode. This will be the best year yet! <3

This is a short one because for once I don't know what to say. I know, shocker. Well there will be an update Wednesday. Wish me luck!!

There is no clock in the air,

Time is flying so fast and there really isn't a clock floating in the air. School starts in almost 2 weeks and I feel like I haven't done a whole lot with my summer. What exactly have I done with my summer? Lets see. At the beginning of the summer, right after school ended, I was babysitting. I think that's what most of my time went to this summer. I got to make money somehow. I think that day I was talking to two different people and they both surprised me in the same way. They both wanted to date me, but I wasn't sure if I felt the same way about either one of them. Peter has been my friend for a couple years, and I met him because he was a friend of a friend, and he was completely head over heels in love with the mutual friend for most of the time I knew him. Her locker is next to mine and he was always so sweet to her, he ever bought her flowers for no reason, but I had never though of him as more than a friend. The other guy, Mat (shhh...I know you all know by now but let me ramble), has been an even closer friend for a couple years. I remember when we first became friends, I was always at Alicia's house spending the night. We would call Anthony to make fun of him and we would find out that Mat was there as well. Alicia and I made fun of them both by saying they were a couple, which was hilarious. Well the first day of summer vacation, Mat was texting me always saying "wishing you were here", which I though was so sweet but I didn't know how I thought of him. We dated once before and it was kind of a rebound which I felt really bad about. Well anyways, as you all know, I am now dating him and I couldn't be happier.
Not much happened after that except for my grandfather having a heart attack July 3rd. No one really knew what was going to happen, so I filled in anywhere I could to help out everyone, and this lasted til about the end of the month when he passes away. After that we tried to get back to normal, like we knew he would want us to do. I hang out with friends at a pool party, baby sat more, and of course hung out with Mat.
Now, we are about to the present and I am getting shopping done for the school year and having my senior pictures taken. Some are coming out absolutely amazing. It makes me super duper happy but also nervous that I will be a senior in high school.
Well that's about it for today. Mat is coming over later, of course, and I have to get ready.

Song of the Week: Never Let You Go by Janice Wei Lan

Quote of the Week: "This is Cinderella and I want Pamela Anderson".

To Worry or Not to Worry

I don't know if that is even a good question. I notice I probably worry more than most people and I don't know why. It's not the worrying about dying or something like that, it is more of worrying about getting hurt. Or maybe something I did to make someone mad. Something I did that made you rethink our friendship. It's hard when so many things run through your head at once and it is difficult to sort out what is what.

I am worried about the new school year. Am I going to do okay in A.P. Calc and Psych with Mr. Thurston? Am I going to do well enough to get enough scholarships to pay for college, which is right around the corner? Am I even going to get accepted into college? Not even having to do with education, but I have bought my dress for homecoming, and I am worrying about that. It is different than any other dress I have ever gotten, or any dress that has ever been worn to my school. I may seem like a strong person who doesn't care what other people think, which may be true at some points, but everyone cares what people are saying about you.

Other things on my mind, you may ask. I am scared to lose the people closest to me. I don't want them to hate me or even dislike me. Maybe I am being too annoying or maybe I am being too clingy wanting to see them. Do you think it's bad to want to see my best friends? And maybe thinking that they are starting to hate me is all in my head but I am still scared. I never thought I could be so insecure about things like this, but the past couple years some how killed my self-esteem. I don't know what it is, but it really sucks. I second guess myself on everything. I guess it is something I am going to have to power through.

I don't know if this is really a good thing or not, but I realized that when something catches me off guard and I wasn't ready for it, I have to think about it. When there isn't time to think I usually choose wrong. After thinking about it after I realize I did choose wrong. I just hope there is time or even a chance to fix it. That's my plan for today, just to talk it out. I just hope he doesn't think I am crazy and begin to think that this was a mistake. Maybe I am just rambling and stressing over nothing.

It's crazy to think that in about 3 weeks, I will officially be a senior. I will not be babysitting on Tuesdays, only Saturdays. I will have to wake up in the morning, get ready for school, drive to school, sit through boring classes, then go home to do homework and relax the rest of the day. Over and over again. I think the only best part of school is the ability to see your friends.

Well instead of looking into the future I better tell you what I have been doing lately. Not a whole lot has happened, I have mostly been hanging out with Mat. I don't think I have ever been so hung up on a guy in my life. Yeah, I have had other boyfriends, most of them were jerks, but something about Mat makes me really believe in myself and know that there is someone who truly loves me for me. At first, I thought being so wrapped up in a guy was going to make me lose myself and the person who believed that you didn't need a guy to be happy, which is still true, but also the fact that you might not make the choices in your life for yourself. You would make them match your partners. I know that isn't what I want, and I know Mat would want me to follow my own ambitions. But knowing that it isn't bad, I can see that the more wrapped up I am, the more I am falling in love with him. It is crazy to think that but it is true. I think the one thing that is scary is getting hurt.

Wow, rereading this makes me feel so philisophical. I guess I should finish this.

Song of the Week: Speak for Myself by Aly and Aj
It's mostly about being yourself and making your choices before anyone elses.

Quote of the Week: "You can get with this, or you can get with that. You can get with this, or you can get with that. You can get with this, or you can get with that. You can get with this 'cause this is where it's at."
That stupid commercial.

I miss you!

I know, it's been even longer than a week since the last post, but there is a very good excuse. Everything, for the past week, has been so busy and upsetting that I didn't know what to do. My grandfather passed away on Wednesday, the 21th of July. He was back in Waterville at a Nursing home at Lakewood when they found out something else was wrong with him. They couldn't diagnosis it until he was back in Portland. His kidneys had failed and there was nothing they could do. He passed away July 21, 2010. He was the only grandfather I ha, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Around all that time, not much had happened. Our family usually hang out at my grandmothers house playing bean toss that my grandfather built the boxes for. We kind of changed it into a drinking game but it was our way of celebrating his life. The funeral was on July 26, 2010 at Maine's Veteran Cemetery in Augusta, Maine. It was a nice ceremony and then there was a reception at the Winslow VFW.

Well, let's change the subject to a bit happier. I have been hanging out with Mat alot, like usual and he just makes me giggle. I won't completely go into details but it is so funny.

On last Saturday, Sean took the day off, so I was able to go to my friend's pool party. It was so fun. I was there til 11. It was Alicia, Pascal, Lizzy, Liz, Kyrie, Boone, Mat, and Ducker all hanging out at Lizzy's house, playing games like Pictionary and apples to apples, going swimming in her pool, and just chilling out. It was so much fun and it was an awesome way to relax. On Sunday, I went to Fort Knox with my family and Alicia. It was totally fun too. That trip was to get my dad's mind off of everything. He has been stressing about everything lately and has a lot on his mind.

I feel bad that it has been so long since I last posted but I had a good reason. I will try and get back to how I as before. Haha.

Song of the Week: Take It Off by Kesha

Quote of the Week: "Boys instead of toys? I must agree."

Qupte of the Week 2: "Infinity Cat. Cats no longer only have nine lives, but they live forever."

Jeez...what a slacker

I know, I know. I am slacking off here and falling behind. When I first started this blog, in February, I would post about every 3 days now it is over a week til I post again. And I just noticed there was a whole month between posts. Thinking of when I started it just made me think what I was thinking way back when. My first post mostly focused on me and everything important to me, and there are already a couple things there that changed. For the better? No one knows that but I think one thing was for the better. Next couple was me being upset, wow, I was pathetic and I hope I never get like that again over some guy who really didn't deserve it.

Well, that was a little blast from the past. So maybe I have changed a little and at least I didn't get more pathetic. So I have been hanging out with Mat a lot this week, which always makes me happy no matter what. It doesn't even really matter to me if he is physically next to me, but as long as he is talking to me I feel happy.

I have told myself that I am going to read more manga. I have been slipping a lot lately, with everything, but lets change that. And I have read a couple cute ones so read them.

Manga of the Day: Boku wa Imouto ni Koi wo Suru
Boku no Hatsukoi wo Kimi ni Sasagu is a spin off of it. It is about twin siblings who fall in love with each other and try and hide their relationship. They also have the conflict inside themselves knowing that this type of relationship isn't morally acceptable.
I love this because I first fell in love with Boku no Hatsukoi wo Kimi ni Sasagu, and while reading Boku wa Imouto ni Koi wo Suru, the mangaka puts the love relationship between Mayu and Takuma (Boku no Hatsukoi wo Kimi ni Sasagu) into the relationship of Yori and Iku.

Song of the Day: Airplanes by B.o.B. ft. Hayley Williams
I love looking up at the stars and see if I can ever find shooting stars to make a wish that I really want, if it is for me or someone I care about.

Well that is it for today.
Peace! <3

Frazzled

It has been a week since my last post. I know, shocking right? Lately, things have been heading down hill with my family, but it is pulling us closer together. A lot of things have been just going through my mind and it is a blow up and leak out my ears.

On Saturday, my grandfather had a heart attack, but luckily things worked out in his favor that everything is fine. He woke up with chest pains, so my grandmother gave him an asprin while my uncle called for an ambulance. My uncle was there for the weekend where it is the fourth. Well he was transported to Portland after having the heart attack at the hospital. He has been there since then and everyone is worried. One thing that I need to get off my chest is that this is about Grammie getting to see Grandpa. Someone in my family just doesn't seem to understand it. Grandpa is 88 and you are 22. I get that you care and want to go see him but with Grandpa being in ICU not many people can go in and he gets tired very quickly. Just be lucky you got to see him, even though you threw a temper tantrum. Wierd how that works. Yesterday, he didn't reconize anyone, even Grammie. It worried me a little but he is better now, which is good.

I have decided to scrap book my senior year and the summer before, which is NOW! I have started it and I have a page for both 4th of July, which is mostly just pictures of the fireworks, and Portcon, which is just a picture of me and Lizzy. We didn't really take any pictures there. Oh well. It looks totally awesome, but it makes me think. What is going to happen til the time I graduate, or even when I graduate college? Its crazy to think about it. I am super excited for my senior year, don't get me wrong, but I think some where deep inside I am scared. I am scared to lose my friends when we seperate and try to achieve our goals. It's scary to think that people who you are best friends with now may not even talk to you anymore. With my boyfriend a year below me, whats going to happen when I do graduate? Stay together or decide it is better to not try? What about the guy you like losing all interest in you? Its just scary but I think we just have to hope for a good day tomorrow and make the most of what you have right now.

Other things on my mind, you may ask. With senior year coming around, that also means college, which again brings many things into my mind. How am I going to pay for it? What colleges do I apply to? Will I even get in? Will I get many scholarships? Wow....I don't even know what to say. Haha.

Another thing on my mind is my wonderful boyfriend. I know, I know, most people would say "shouldn't you be more worried about other things" and to those certain people, I say shut up! You have no idea how happy I am about this. You have no idea what I have been through to finally find someone nice. And you may say that you have been through worse, but you don't know half of what I have been through so how can you compare? Many other things have also been on my mind about it, but you will just have to wait.

Song of the Moment: Destined Twins
It is a song on the soundtrack for Vampire Knight and it is so pretty. Tee hee.

Wierd How That Works

So it has actually been a while since I have updated this thing about my life. So last time, I was trying to remember what happened over a weekend. Not a whole lot happened since then.

Friday was my birthday and I didn't do a whole lot. Mat and I went to the movies and saw Letters to Juliet. It was an okay movie. It didn't live up to the hype. Mat dropped me off at Alicia's and hung out until Sunora and Lizzy came over. We were all getting excited for Portcon together.

The next morning was the fated day of Portcon 2010. Alicia and I dressed up as Sekai Saionji and Kotonoha Katsura from the anime/manga school days. It was soo much fun and I was so happy. I spent a whole lot of money on a bunch of stuff; like 5 posters, 3 ramune (japanese soda, YUMMY), VK cards, VK necklace, VK original soundtrack, and shape bracelets. Haha. I also saw Mat at the mall and I was really shocked that he was there but it made me oh so happy. I got to see him for a while and it made my day better. Last nite I went to go see the midnight showing of eclipse. HAWT!

Well not much has happened after that. Mat is coming over later today and I am so happy. I just absolutely love spending time with him and talking to him. <3

Last weekend, not a whole lot went on. And I think what is more sad is that I don't remember more than anything. Thinking.....thinking....thinking.....

I think on Saturday, I baby sat. I wasn't needed Friday because Kristina got out of work early and we came out to the house to eat supper. After I went to Mat's to hang out. Saturday was a long day for my sister and Sean. Their fridge broke one night because of a surge. The circuit board was fried but luckily it was an easy fix. I was supposed to babysit all day but Kristina was let off for the morning because she again wasn't needed. She got to take care of the whole fridge fiasco. It really helped her calm down and take a breather. Once she left I babysat the munchkin and he was a bit cranky. He has more teeth coming in and wouldn't stop crying, I felt bad for him and myself for having to deal with him.

Sunday was a boring day, and it was Father's Day and oh boy, I thought Father's Day would mark the death of my father. He was being so rude and getting mad over nothing. Sorry I had my phone off because it was going to die. Then he said a rude comment. We got home and my mom was like "do you want to give him you present?" I didn't care. Mom brought it in and said "go give it to him". I let her do deal with it because I was mad enough as it was. He was like "I am not opening it unless she hands it to me". So I said "Well I guess you don't get it then". Sorry that was a bit, how should I say, preppy way of explaining what went down. Later, My mother and I decided Mat could come out to the house where Dad wasn't coming home, so that's what he did on Monday.

I was so bored and anxious, excited and lonely, and it was all thanks to him coming out. I don't even know why. Time went by so slow and I was even texting him all day, isn't that sad? Well when he got here, my mom wasn't too far behind. She started cooking supper and we hung out for a bit and watched some random show that was on. We had hamsteak, which is actually a more important fact than it seems. It was so funny, but it is understandable. I will explain what I am talking about. So, in my family we make hamburger buns on the grill as like the bread part of our supper. So Mat grabbed a whole bun and put his hamsteak on it like a sandwich. Because he thought that what it was for. "I figured that was what you did because I don't see any hamburgers". I felt so bad but it was so funny. Then when we were finished eating my mom went in to get the strawberry short cake and we brought in the dishes and stuff and Mat started bringing in the drinks. We were going to still eat them outside haha. He put them back and I went to go back out through the back door and he wouldn't let me so I went to the front porch and went out that way. As I got on to the deck he tried to push me off, ABUSE! So we were like fighting and then we stopped all of a sudden. I jumped off the deck, not to let him win but to pick up my mom wood gloves off the ground.

That summed up supper. After, we played video games and he absolutely whooped me at everything except Super Mario Baseball and Mario Kart. We played a lot of games. Think about how sad it is that he beat me at Wii Tennis. Well, it was fun just being with him. There was a couple things that happened that made me think. There was a couple of times that I thought he was going to kiss me or kiss me on the cheek. Kissing on the cheek, I think, it just a cute way to show someone you care about them. I don't know about the actual kiss, I think it would count on the mood but I think I may have let him. Haha. I know, I am a pervert. I can't help it but what are you going to do.

Today, Tuesday, I had an eye doctors appointment and I was so happy. My astigmatism in my right eye got better, and the farsightedness in my left eye also got better. BOOYAH! Nothing besides that happened. Tomorrow, Mat is coming over again to hang out. Who knows what will happen? <3

Song of the Moment: Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson
I don't know why.

Song of the Moment 2: I Promise You by Selena Gomez
It's for you :P

Slow Start to Summer

Not a whole lot has been happening since summer started, the only thing is that I am now dating Mat, besides that there really isn't anything. The next few weeks will be very interesting though, and I am pumped for it!

Friday,one week from today, is my 17th birthday and I am so excited. It will be another step to be a senior in high school and going to college. I think I will miss my friends as we all take different routes to follow their dreams but at the reunion you will be able to see who had the drive to complete it. I hope I am one of them. The day after my birthday is Portcon. I think everyone who follows my blog knows what it is but where this blog isn't for people to get to know me, but to be able to look back on when I get older, I will explain it anyways. Portcon is an anime/manga convention being held in Portland Maine. I am looking so forward to it and have been since Alicia and I decided to cosplay together and make the costumes from scratch. There is only a few things left to do before we finish it up and I am so happy. Sunday is father's day and I don't know if we are really doing anything. The way it sounds, my dad picked out what he wants for lunch, which is shimp fettucine alfredo. I will just have the alfredo part haha. Then my mom and I are going to go to Wal-mart and get the rest of the stuff for the cosplay. Woot! Next week, my dad is working 10 hour shifts at Prospect Harbor so he won't be coming home much. It will be just my mom and I. So Mat will probably come over at least once which I am very excited for, even though our house is like every where. Most of my wii stuff is missing when we got the new floors in and everything got moved around.

On June 30th, Eclipse comes out and I will be going to see it with Kristina, and The Last Airbender comes out July 1st and will probably be going to see it with a bunch of friends. If you don't know what the Last Airbender is about then you NEED A LIFE! The movie is based off of one of my favorite shows: Avatar: the Last Airbender. The producer of this movie planned on naming it Avatar but as everyone knows, to some, one of te best movies that came out in the past year was called Avatar, but I didn't like it that much.

Well thats my next 2 weeks bundled up into a few LARGE paragraphs and it makes me giggle.

Song of the Day: Take it Off by Ke$ha

Quote of the Day: "Wishing you were here." "You know I have to babysit you goob."

Giggling is Tee hee

Now that summer is starting, I will have plenty of time to update my blog. I know I am pathetic but oh well. So this summer is pretty sick already and is moving by so slow. It is the 4th day and I am super happy.

So lets start where I left off. I went to Mat's house to hang out and it was a total blast. We played video games and I got whooped in everything. He asked me out when we were heading downstairs to watch a movie. I told him he would have to wait til the end of the night, for two reasons. 1. to joke around with him and 2. because I didn't know yet. I was so nervous. Like I said before, we have dated before and it lasted about 2 weeks. When I think about it, he was a rebound of this jerk that I dated, Nick. Well we watched Wall-e and he is such a gentlemen and he is so sweet. He wouldn't even let me go change the video games in the wii, because I was the "guest". Haha. When he dropped me off, I was about to close the door and he asks if he could get answer and I told him yes.

Yesterday I went to his house again. And again we played video games. Whatever works. We played for a while then we decided to go downstairs and play actual ping pong and I was getting whooped but it was so much fun. He is such a nice guy. Oh yeah, we had smores too and the chocolate from it got all over our hands and the rug. They were such a complete mess but it as funny at the same time.

Well by the looks of it, my wish is coming true. I found an awesome nice guy who I know will treat me well, and I really like him. <3

Quote of the Day: "I need more tires for my air." "Yes because there isn't enough air around them as it is."

Song of the Day: Eternal Snow by Route L

Sorry..

I know...I am sorry. It's been a while since I updated this puppy. So let me try and catch you up quickly on the more important things.

Song of the Moment: Dokuro-chan. Thank you Alicia for singing it with me during physics.

It's kind of scary how much things change and people change as well. People say I have matured since I became and ended my junior year of high school but I don't see it. Oh well. Friends move on, some may come back and some you will never see again. Some friends change and become a completely different person, and that could change the relationship with you, even if they were your best friend. You wish for the times in the past to reoccur but it won't happen and it never will. Just hope for the best and look forward. There will be better people out there who will be more mature about things and won't be so rude to you about the little things that just doesn't matter.

Tennis has officially ended and won't be back til next year. The ending was kind of sucky but we won't go into that.

School has ended too, and I am so ecstatic about it. I will not miss it at all. I passed all my finals, even US History, which was my highest grade. It was a 93! I was so happy about it. I was like freaking out this morning when I found out.

Now that summer is here, I have more time to focus on love which actually has a funny story to it. A guy, who is kind of my friend only because we have a mutual friend, told me Saturday that he liked me and wanted to know if I liked him back, which I don't. Then the same day, one of my guys friends was like flirting with me all day. Whenever he told me that he was doing something, he would say "wishing you were here". It was so sweet. We have dated before but I screwed it up because he was more of a rebound off some jerk then me actually liking him, so I felt bad when we broke up and we didn't talk that much til this year. I am happy that we are talking again but I think I may have started to like him, and he likes me. The only problem is that I THINK that I may like him and it isn't a definite. He is a really nice guy and really sweet but we will see what happens. I say that because I am going to his house to hang out with him and play video games. Yeah, I said video games. They aren't even like the video games that highschoolers even like, they are all Mario games. It is hilarious. I am starting to get butterflies...who knows what this means? And did I mention he is picking me up in about a half an hour. I am so excited.

Well I will say how everything goes later. Peace!

Blarphanrgle!

Why does everything have to be everywhere? It is crazy that it is. So this is what happened in my crazy week last week. So, first on Monday I was so tired from my friends prom still that I was irritable and to top it off my date to prom was denied by the school. So I find out 6 days before prom that my date can't go. Just my luck, right? Well that day I sent a text to my friend and asked if he would go with me which he did. Prom was fun I must say, and my date, Mat, totally dances like a nerd. I would like to say one thing: Dances are not for making out or having sex, they are for having fun with your friends and the people around you to be closer as a community. I think that the people who don't really understand that needs to mature a little before going to any other dances. I had a tennis match on Monday too, which I lost badly haha. So that was kind of a mix between Monday and Saturday.

On Tuesday, I had tennis practice at Norton's til 4. Then I went to Alicia's house, which she lives right by the courts. I was there til 5, when my mom picked me up to go home and relax for maybe half an hour til the chorus concert which I had to be at the school by 6:30. I didn't get home that night til about 8:30. Then I had to read the stupid Scarlet Letter. That makes me want to punch babies, but thank goodness I found a reliable source that has the modern text so I know what they are talking about. So I didn't get to bed til around 10, which wasn't really my plan but that is just kind of how it worked out. Wednesday, I had a tennis match against Gardiner. The girl I played was really nice and our game score was really close but I got so frustrated at myself because I lost and I thought I was going to win. GRR! Thursday was probably the calmest day I had all week. I had practice til 4:15 then I got to go home relax and have fetucine alfredo. Friday I had another match, and again the girl I played was really nice but everyone else played cranky people or people who lied really bad about if the shots were in or out. I felt so bad.

Saturday was the most busiest day of my life. First I woke up at 5:30 because my parents are loud and then my mom and I left at 6:30 to head to Mount Arat High School to play in the singles tournament. And guess who I played? The girl from Gardiner...yay! Truthfully I was quite excited about playing her again but I was also nervous about sucking again. Not too much fun. Then I still lost but I felt so much better about how I played though. Well after that we went home so I could get ready for the prom. I got my hair done, and I was in the salon for 2 hours haha. It looked sick. Well then I decided I really didn't want to go out to eat so I could relax a bit. Well hecame to pick me up and our parents took so many pictures haha. Well after that we had fun.

So now to get some anger out. Okay, for One: You need to take a chill pill and stick it up your butt. I am so sick of your attitude and your crankiness. You always complain about how bad you have it but I don't think that's the way it is at all. Two: My definition of a team is that everyone sticks together and supports each other to the best of your ability. If you are distracted by the things around you that are "important" to you than you aren't much of a team player now are you? Three and Four: Wow...you two are so annoying that I don't even know what to say. Just because you can do one thing that others can't doesn't mean you have to be rude to people. And also you are a straight up nerd and no one wants to listen to those conversations. Five:You are really annoying as well. I understand that you really like me but sometimes I need my space.

If anyone asks who those people are I will not be saying. I just needed to vent a bit.

So now on to a happier subject, well kind of happier. I think I may kind of like someone but I am not completely sure yet, and i don't even know if it would work out. He probably doesn't like me anyways which I can't do anything about, but oh well. I won't know what will happen and I don't want to say anything without knowing.

Wow...

Everything has just been super crazy that I haven't had a whole lot of time to do anything. I have tennis almost every single day, unless it rains, and I have a lot of homework that I should be doing. Haha.

It gets a little hectic with everything that is going on but I am making it work. I am going with my friend to his prom Saturday then he is going to mine (hopefully) on the next Saturday. It will be nice to see him. I haven't seen him since the beginning of the summer.

I would like to say that wow...I really do get annoyed easily. Its like you complain and bitch about shit and you don't know how nice you have it. I am not saying my life is awful but I know people that you have it better than, so saying you life sucks is just going a bit to far. I understand how some people can have a rough day and to pissy about things and might be rude to your friends but after 3 months of it it kind of gets stupid. Take a chill pill and breathe, things will get better. With people not knowing everything that is going on, which i can understand you not telling people, but you shouldn't turn your back on them either and act like they aren't there....wow...I am now mixing 2 people. I want to let the 3 people who follow my blog, thanks!!!, that nothing I said is about you. I don't want to get you guys worried about it. It is more me venting about random stuff, haha.

Song of the day: Black Diamond by Utau Hoshino

Manga of the week: Suki Desu Suzuki-Kun
It is soo cute. It is by the person who wrote Moe Kare. Tee hee.

Anime of the week: Bokura ga Ita

Busy Busy Busy!

So the last time I updated everything, it was 2 weeks ago on a Friday. My HUSH essay was due and it sucked. I haven't gotten the grade back yet so who knows what will happen.

Yesterday my mother picked me up from my sister's house after babysitting and we headed out to Fairfield to go see a family who had a couple kittens. We picked one out. Her name is Mitsuki. She is so cute.

Right now I am up North at Alicia's Mom's house til Wednesday. We got here late last night. I only had about 8 hours with Mitsuki before I had to leave. I miss her so much. When we woke up this morning we decided to make muffins. I found out I am dislexic and we put way too much water into them. S we redid them and it was definetely much better. We ate those while watching Ponyo and then we got ready for the day. We played Kingdom Hearts for a while and watched movies and stuff. Day is one of those lazy days. Tomorrow we are going to go buy the cloth to make the costumes.

So lately I have been coloring a lot with a program called Seashore. They look so good. I have done a Full Moon, Badmiton Girl, and Vampire Knight Pictures. They are pretty sick. I will put up pictures of Mitsuki for the next time.

Need You Now

I have been needing major help with things...I have been completely swamped with everything. I had a HUSH paper due today and it isn't the best. I think I put way too much history into my history paper and not enough opinion. I know that sounds weird but if you were in my class it would make sense.

My term paper due date is coming up and many other things. Over April vacation, I am going up to Alicia's mom's for the weekend and then home to babysit and do physics and term paper crap.

I don't really have a whole lot to say right now. I know it weird but oh wells.

Song of the Moment: Need You Now by Lady A

Quote of the Week: "I thought the balls were about to drop."
You just have to love tennis <3

Will this day end?

Wow.... already it has been a long day. I am definitely ready for this day to end. I just finished my HUSH test.... and I feel okay on it. There was a lot of names.... mostly women who were fighting for their rights. It was quite long.... and I am still a little worried with it. I am not having that much confidence in it as I should but I at least know I did better on it then the last one, which wasn't really that hard to do. I studied really hard for it and still didn't do as good as I would hope. Only time will tell. Right after school I have to make up my physics test and some people say it is really hard and others say it isn't. I am hoping it isn't too bad. I am going to study for that test more when we are done correcting the HUSH tests in class because at that point we will be doing Big Ideas in class. I am just hoping that Larry won't be correcting my test like last time because he felt the need to yell out how bad I was doing. I was so embarrassed.

I have tennis after school, and I am starting to notice that my coach is putting are practice to match with my schedule. I don't really see why. It is nice for me and it also isn't because I would like a break at some point but I guess that probably isn't going to be happening. I really just wish today would be over. It has been such a stressful week that I feel like I want to cry. I had these two tests on one day and right in a row. Tomorrow I have my physics note book due and I find out today that both Chapter 14 and 15, the chapters I am taking the test over, also has to be in it. I have been so stressed with my term paper stuff and tennis that I haven't had time to even start them so oh well. I guess they just aren't going to be graded. So tonight I will be busy getting the stuff ready for my binder. I also have to work on my term paper essay as well. The rough draft for that is due Wednesday and I haven't gotten past putting my name on it. I am not procrastinating on it like I do all my other work it's just that I don't have time for anything. On Friday I have a HUSH paper due on Affirmative Action, which is what the test was over. I haven't even planned anything on it and again I don't have the time. I am going to have to make the time.

Well we are going to be correcting the first parts of the tests. Wish me luck!

Hectic

So things around me have been pretty crazy lately. I have had tennis practice every day after school and babysitting. My physics notebook is due Tuesday and I have 2 major tests tomorrow after school. I have a physics test that I missed, due to the fact that touring Farmington is more important, and then I have a US History test that I really need to do good on because the last test I had i did horribly on, look back on a late blog for more information.

Well today is Easter so Happy Easter to all the people, the 3, that read my blog. It was a very interesting day. Last nite, which was Saturday, I had to babysit and Brayden was such a little pain...big shock there. So this morning I woke up and Brayden was shortly behind me so I took him down stairs to let Kristina and Sean sleep in where they work very late. I changed him and then laid him on the floor so he could play. In 10 minutes he migrated to the couch, which was behind him. It won't be long till he is crawling forwards. After I was watching tv, and literally I mean watching because I couldn't hear anything over his squeling. My sister woke up and I went up to take a shower. When I came down he was spiting up his food and Kristina was getting mad. We fed him a bottle and let him play in his Exersaucer and OH MY was he loud. He was trying to jump in it and it was so loud that I couldn't even hear New Moon.

We all left for my Aunt's house for lunch. When I got there there was barely anyone there and we were just about late. Well my parents got there and they gave me my Easter present which was the complete set of Full Moon wo Sagashite. That manga is very important to me because it was the start to my manga obsession. This was the first manga and anime I ever watched/read. I read it all again today and I cried at the end. It was sooo cute.

Well lately out of nowhere i started talking to this guy who goes to Farmington and his name is Ryan. It weird because he was a friend on my myspace and facebook but I have never really talked to him before but that is okay. We have been texting almost nonstop the whole time. I think he is starting to like me but I have learned my lesson dating someone who isn't around. I am done with that shit but who knows what will happen.

I should probably get back to my studying so I don't fail. <3

Wound Up Completely!

Wow....so much is going on right now that I can barely contain myself. Lets start off with where I left off on the last post. So last time I had a friend completely lie to everyone about crap and it was ridiculous. Well since then I decided I was going to be the bigger person and just like nothing happened, for two reasons. 1. It's not even worth it and 2. homeroom would be completely boring and there isn't anyone to really talk to. Whatever it's not even worth it but I will say next time report cards or progress reports come out and she complains about her grades said to everyone I will not care. She put this on herself by blaming everything on me and lying so it looked like it was my fault and I was the one who was starting all the drama.

Yesterday was my first day of tennis practice for the season. It is looking really good except for the warm ups. I absolutely hate running even though that is the second biggest part of tennis besides the actual hitting. I hate the constant running though, running toward something is a completely different story. Oh wells, there is nothing I can do about it but suck it up. Once the boys and girls teams separate for different practices it will be much nicer. The guys are the ones who want to run and the girls don't care either well and that's the best part of it. Then the girls team will separate into their on two practices, the "less experienced" and "more experienced" or in other words J.V. and Varsity. My friends will be in the Varsity practice and everyone else will be in the J.V. The one bad thing about being in the Varsity practice is the senior double teams. They are rude and mean to all the underclassmen. They will probably be the captains for the girls team and of course I would like to be but it isn't that big of a deal if they want to but I will say that if they don't do what they are supposed to or stick up for the team I will say something. Next year when they graduate and I am a senior it will be much better and different. It will rock socks.

Video of the Week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhwapAFD0J8&feature=SeriesPlayList&p=5AB465ADD6DD0E89

Quote of the Week: "You wanna fight, BITCH!"

Song of the Moment: Angel Cradle by Utau (in Shugo Chara)

Manga of the Day: Beautiful Name

Backstabber

Yeah, yeah I said it. You are a bitch, get over it. I never thought that was you but you completely opened my eyes. I love how all I did was try and help you but you turn around and make everything my fault. And proclaim that I said something about someone. 1. I never said anything about that person once, so where the hell did that even come up? 2. Where do you get off on back stabbing one of the few people you still talk to. I wish you the best of luck on ruining your life more than your already have.

Love.....sucks.

It's so cute how everyone one of my friends are finding love and the cute couples starting to form in front of my eyes...and I am I just a little jealous. One of my friends is talking to this guy a lot who she has known forever but never really talked to him. Now they talk all the time about everything and I told her that he liked her and it is now showing that he really does. Someone, my guess, is going to have a prom date!!

My other friend just broke up with her boyfriend, which I think is a good thing because he was a jerk. She broke up with him because her mother said so and many other reasons. The same night she went out to eat at Pizza Hut with her family and while she was there, her preschool "boyfriend" was there and they are starting to click already. It's like love at first sight. All the stuff I read in shoujo mangas but nothing I have been able to obtain. I just wish I could. It is such a cute thing to watch but when will it be my turn?

Random Song of Ipod: I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

Brace Quote of the day: "The more stuff you know the better you are."

Crazy Life

Wow...it has been absolutely crazy lately. I have been everywhere and haven't had anytime to breathe. I had allegria Sunday, which went awesome, and then yesterday was school which is as always BORING. Today I skipped school. O.O I know, naughty right? Well I did..I needed a break and to have some time to catch up on my work, which sucks balls! Too much work in too little time. I want to be all caught up and maybe ahead in a week, which might not happen.

Tennis is starting soon so that's why I want to get ahead. I am sooo excited for tennis. It is my favorite time of the year. It is totally going to kick ass! WOUT WOUT!!

I am babysitting right now and doing physic notes and reading for the term paper. Brayden is more miserable than usual because he is teething. Grrrrreat....just what I want to listen to is his scream. Yay.... lol.

Well back to school tomorrow for a physics test..

Busy Weekend!

Hey my Peeps. This weekend has been already crazy!! Yesterday I went to Boston with Brody, Alicia, and Pascal. It was soooo funny. The food was pretty good and the campus was sweet. The bus ride was the best part. Pascal was sooo funny. On the way home in the dark he took a camera to his eye and took a picture. The Flash went off and all you hear is "AHHHHH!!" It was soo funny though, he couldn't even see out of it for a while.

Today I have an allegria practice for the finale. Then I might practice a bit with Jared for Tango. Then all I will be doing is homework. Tonight I am going to the movies with Alicia and Drew might be going. I am a little worried because we still really like each other and I don't want anything to happen for me to get hurt because there is no chance we are going to date again. So....lets see what happens. Whatever. I should probably stop doing this and do some physics homework before I get even further behind.

Quote of the Week: "'It smells like Chinese....oh wait there are some Chinese people right there.' 'What do we smell like, McDonalds?'"

Allegria Performance

Today I had two performances for allegria. One was at Vassaboro Middle School and then one for my school. It was completely everywhere but sooo fun. The first one for tango wasn't as good as the second one. But during the performance for my school my partner Jared ripped his pants. I felt sooooo bad. We still kicked ass though! The actual performance is Sunday and it will be sweet!!

Crap

Why is everything so scattered around and nothing set in stone? Uncertainity sucks. I wish I knew what would happen in the future but no one ever really knows.

I got very upset when I woke up in the morning today. I had a dream in which I had a totally awesome boyfriend, and it was the day of Sadies. We were hanging out at my house with Alicia, who did approve of him lol, and he was the sweetest ever and it made me think about how I wish I could find a guy like that for real, I guess it's going to be a dream, or at least for now.

So, I am in Pre-calc now, we had a test, and when I was done I checked what my grade was in the class and it's an F. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I know I haven't been doing that bad. There are only 4 grades in the grade book and one of them is a zero because the teacher was retarded and decided to assign homework on the day of the midterm and I didn't know about and she collected it on the next day. Just my luck. Oh well...lets see what my mother says.

Upside Down

I have no idea what is going on with me, and truthfully it isn't bothering me one bit. I am happy and sad and confused and just everywhere, the one thing I am completely glad about is that I got to help my best friend with her problem. :) Nothing really is going on with me at this point and I like it that way. There is no drama and nothing bad happening. Progress reports come out next week....and I am doing quite good, shickingly. I have been reading manga non-stop, which isn't really a good thing. By reading manga I have had no time to do homework...so I am a bit behind, mostly physics. Time to crank out a lot this weekend....GRRRRREAT.

Manga of the Moment: Ren-ai Shijou Shugi. READ THE SHIT UP!
Song of the momemnt: Kanashimi no Mukou e. Tee hee.

Boring Sunday

Blah it is such a boring day today. I got up and watched tv. I was still at Kristina's. I woke up from a sharp pain in my stomach. I don't know what it was but it woke me up and made me very uncomfortable all morning. Brayden woke up at 8 so I got him and brought him down stairs so Kristina and Sean could sleep. My mom came to get me and we did a couple errands and then just went home. We watched my Twilight DVD finally. Taylor Lautner <3!! lol. I have been reading manga all day!

Manga of the moment: Moe Kare <3

Chorus

I am hanging in chorus and helping with some peoples math homework. Can't wear the hat i brought. i think it is stupid. It is "distracting", yep thats why people are wearing outrageous outfits! Whatever, today is going to be the shit day. GO JUNIORS!! WE WILL KICK ASS!

Alicia is coming over for Sadies and Rhi is going to Sadies. I am soo happy for today!! Yay1!

Study Hall once again.

Blah...this study hall is soo boring. I have physics after. It is only a half block which makes me happy.

For my Life Topics class we have to do a sum of 10 hours of community service. I decided where community service looks good on a college application, why not make it look even better with doing community service that goes along with the major I want in college, which is elementary teaching. So I am going to shadow an elementary teacher. I wanted to do that on a orange days because I won't miss as much like I would on a black day, a full block of physics and pre calc. I have gotten most of my teachers to write a note, or sign of to let me go for one full day. All that's left is to write the note for Mr. Brace and have him sign it. Then I am off, I am probably going to go Monday because I wanted to do Thursday but it doesn't look like that will happen with my english test being on Wendsday now, thanks to my class, who likes to procratinate and wanted the Ethan Frome Test that day, and the paper is due that day so I would rather not miss that. I just have to make sure that my problem set for physics, which is due Monday is all ready and get it here on time. It should be really fun. It only gets me 8 hours of community service so then I am going to do a day at the humaine society to get the rest of the time.

Sadies is tomorrow and I am pumped. Alicia is spending the night Friday and Rhiannon is going to the dance, so it is going to be the shit!! Well physics is going to be starting soon. Peace!

Blah....its Late.

Well the last two weeks have been real shitty but I am hoping that things will turn around and be better from here on out. I got texting on my phone so now I text people all the time. I is silly. Things are starting to get better between me and Drew. We are having actual conversations again like we used to before we dated. I have been down on myself lately but it isn't a big deal.

Sadies is Friday and I am pumped. I am a pimp cause I gots two dates. Rhi and Alicia are my hoes. Well duh! Its going to be awesome! Alicia is spending the night and I get to see Rhi. It's going to be one hell of a night!!

I have been listening to full moon songs like all week so the song of the moment is Love Chronicles <3.
Manga of the week is Kyou Koi wo Hajimemasu. It is totally awesome! I am like in love with it! Look it up!!

Well talk to you later. Byes!

RIP Lovey McCaslin

You are my life,
my world, my love.
I will miss you more than anything.
I loved you more than anyone.

You will always be in my heart
and that will never change.

You changed over the 10 years
you were in my life.
Not only you but I as well
changed for the better.

You were my darling child,
my heart and soul.
Everything I ever was because
of you were in my life.

You walked into my life unannonced
but everything changed.

Even though that first night
you were going to stay in the bathroom
you escaped, and unknowing of
where anything was you went to my room.

You were a one in the million child,
different from any one on this world.
You made you self stick out
by licking my ear.

Any time I was sad, you would
know in a heart beat.
The little patter of your feet,
which was a motor boat would come to me.

You would always protect me
even though you were my child.
Any intruders, even walking past
would get a growl from you.

You are my life,
my world, my love.
I will miss you more than anything.
I loved you more than anyone.

Fed Up.

Yeah it happened. I got mad. First time blogging it too :P. It just ridiculous that I do a lot around this house and no one seems to notice, but then someone who sits on the friggin couch all day decides to yell at me to clean the kitchen because all of "my" dishes are spread around, but in reality there was 2 bowls, so why don't you just be quiet for once. If you care that much then how about you get your lazy ass off the couch and clean up the 2 dishes yourself. Oh no, cause then i have to take the dishes out of the dish washer and put the 2 dirty ones in. "OH NO!! The world is just going to end!!" Oh well. :P

Nothing much this week. Allegria supposedly Thursday and movies with Homz/Kotonoha, Jeremy, and Momo. We are going to go see Dear John. I am pumped. Nothing else as far as I know this week, except more cleaning :P. And homework that I am sooo not excited to do.

Song of the moment: Krazy by Pitbull

Happy Valentines Day!!

Yes, today is Valentines. I don't have any one to spend but I will stay home and watch Shugo Chara and hang with the fam. Not too fun but oh well. Not much this week, it vaca so I am happy. My Sadies dress finally came in and it is soooo cute!! Yesterday I baby sat Brayden and he was a perfect angel. Barely cried at all! BOOYAH! Had allegria yesterday and it was so funny, and Jared will probably drop me on my head :P

Failed!!!

I totally need a round of appluase. I completely just bombed a test miserably. There were 45 questions and out of that 45 I got 24 wrong. So I did fail. I will have to bring it up with Big Ideas and hopefully do okay on my essay that I have to do over vaca. I am so proud, not really. Atleast it wasn't a huge let down because I knew from the start I was going to fail. I absolutly hate that class anyways. I am just taking it because it is required. History is not my subject. It never has been. I just don't care what happened in the past. People tell us that the past is the past and we should look forward to the future and the present, so why do we have to learn about it?

On the lighter side, I have a quote. Someone suggested it. "Dunkin Donuts Sucks." -Sinjin Rancourt.

Song of the Moment: No Surprise by Daughtry. Haha!

Study Hall

Sitting in study hall at this point. Physics soon and I haven't started studying for HUSH test which I know I am going to bomb. I have no doubt in my mind. But whatever. I can hope and pray but the chances are I still will. Today is an okay day but who knows how it will turn out by the end of the day. He told me last nite he needs to still think about it and that he would tell me today. The last thing he said to me before I went to sleep was "Whatever happens remember that I like you." Hmm.....I wonder what side he is leaning to. I really hope not but I would be lying to myself.

Song of the Moment: Every Time We Touch by Cascada

First Poem (Sorry its sad)

I can't believe what's happening.
This sucks and there is nothing
stopping it from happening.

My world is crashing right in front of me
and there is no pillow to cushion it.
Along with the world, my heart is crumbling
in your hands and you are helping it.

Do you know what you are doing to me?
No, it isn't raining, but this under the weather
feeling to all yours to blame.
The bubbly happy girl is crushed as well.
Thanks.
To.
You.

Song on right now: I'm only me when I am with you. By Taylor Swift. Seems a bit ironic.

Babysitting

I am right now babysitting my nephew, Brayden Conner. He is the cutest thing. It is almost his bed time but he is taking a nap and just does not want to wake up. He should wake up soon. I would wake him up but it will scare him so I will wait. I have still got a lot of stuff on my mind at this point and it isn't helping that my ipod is being stupid and wont recieve texts when they are sent. GRR. Well hopefully tonight goes better. I can be hopeful. :P

The Day After

Not the day after pill I promise, but it is the day after something that wasn't great. Last night was completely horrible and everyone else was the same way. No one had a good night, but when I tried to talk to someone about it they were surrounded in their own mess and disaster to even listen to what was happening. Not like I am not used to it. It happens all the time and it is time to just get over it but whatever. I felt almost abounded and then when I tried to talk to that same person in school they just shrugged it off and just went on talking about her problem the whole time. I listened to her for the past week about the same exact problem but it seems to just get worse for her, but when I ask her to listen to me, which I barely do, she "listened" and then continued on with her problem. I give up. I just hope today is much better than last night but I won't know til later.

I don't dare to talk to him, so I won't text him like I normally do. I miss talking to him already. "I feel like we are starting to grow distant." I think my heart stopped. "I am going to get off so I can think about this." It doesn't sound like him but it was now I don't know what to think anymore. I am lost. I thought things would work with the long distance but I didn't see this coming at all but it is here now. If it is going to end I want him to not drag it out just because it will hurt me. It will hurt more if he fakes liking me when he really doesn't. We will see what happens tonight. :P

First Post

Yeah, that's right. This is my first post to my blog.

So lets try to ease you into who this hyper person is. I am short and hyper, as you can tell by the title. I completely love love. That may sound weird, but it makes sense as well. I love seeing all my friends start liking someone and see that relationship start growing and expanding. It gets cute seeing it happen right in front of my eyes. Yes, I am looking for my one special person. I am dating someone, who is awesome. Drew, it completely awesome and is understanding of everything. He loves to say "I am a lover not a fighter." He says a lot of cute things but they are a bit cliched and almost like they were on a website but it still makes my heart melt. It's a tough relationship, but we are going to make it work. He is in Connecticut at college. I miss him very much and I can't wait for him to come up on his vacation in March. Only a month away, yay!

I have crazy friends but I totally love them. They bring out the best in me and they are the complete reason for who I am today. Alicia, introduced me to anime and manga. My first one for both were the same. Full Moon wo Sagashite, or for people who don't know what that means, it means Searching for a Full Moon. It is a very cute one. I am more of a shoujo person, but I also love Inuyasha. I am right now completely addicted to Vampire Knight. Yes, I know, I am a freak. Rhiannon keeps me both sane and insane. It seems impossible but with the two of us in the same room it makes complete sense. When I am confused about anything she will calm me down and help me through it, but at the same time we can get completely hyper together. Kiera keeps me up on the new lingo and clothing style. She even like to critique me on my hair to make sure it is straight, and I mean perfectly straight. You have to love them no matter what happens.

I am a smart person but absolutely hate school! I am taking physics and advanced Pre-calc. Oh, did I forget to mention that I am a junior in high school. My bad. Well I am. I want to become a teacher once I get out of college. My hope is to become and Elementary Teacher but if that doesn't happen then I will be a high school math teacher. I absolutely hate math but I am good at it so whatever.

Well I better stop before I bore you to death. Peace out.