I'm back..

writing to myself again.

Holy crap, the last time I wrote was in March and it is now the middle of August. I should be very disappointed in myself. Haha. I left off in Psych class doing scholarship stuff and getting ready for college. So much has happened since then.

I finally got my academic letter, the last quarter of my high school career. I would like to point out though that I got a medal for being on honor roll 12 or more times. There was only like 12 of the seniors that got it. Weird... only half the people on NHS got the medal and the other half didn't but I was not in NHS. Weird. I will stop ranting about that now.

Tim Martin and I were walking buddies because we are the shortest in our class. Haha. We knew this would happen since freshman year and we accepted in gracefully. I made my speech at Baccalaureate and I knew that my family would start bringing up Grandpa, but I wanted to make sure that he was part of my graduation ceremony in some way where he couldn't be there physically. Graduation, for the most part, went smoothly. Tim and I lead the class with pride. Project grad, that night, was quite fun. I am surprised I didn't fall asleep. I won a blu-ray though.

Now to the boy drama. Last we knew was the drama from Sadies. I was more hurt from that than anything but oh well. Nothing really happened after that til prom. I was very stuck on who to invite to prom and I mean stuck. I really didn't know what to do about it. I finally decided to ask Jack. I felt bad though cause his prom was the same night but he said he didn't ant to go to it anyways. I was very stressed out on the day of prom. That morning, I had my singles tennis tournament. The early afternoon was Kristina's college graduation. I am someone who want to plan everything out and be done by a certain time. So I stressed out then I stressed Jack out but it got better. Prom was a blast. I really had fun. I felt absolutely gorgeous, except for in pictures, but that's my insecurity for you. I just can't win. But anyways, Jack and I got along well together. I felt like he was going to kiss me when he dropped me off but it didn't happen. We pretty much talked non-stop after that. We started dating before graduation and I really liked him. I thought he would be the one to get Mat out of my mind completely. Let's just say, he really hurt my feelings and showed me how much a dick he really is. He broke up with me after an exact month because we never saw each other. He stopped trying. As simple as that; he stopped trying to see me. He came over to my house once and I understand he didn't have gas money, but he never once invited me to his house. I had my license (oh yeah, I got my license, shockingly, five days before my 18th birthday) and I could have drove there, but no. Never once did he really make an effort. He started out to be really sweet but it just disappeared. Oh well. That's life.

Mat and I are still talking. Of course we don't talk like we did when we were dating but I wish we would. We are only talking now because he was buying my ap calc book from me, but now that the exchange is done, I probably won't hear from him anymore. I understand he has his own life and he will find someone who he loves everything about. Is it bad that sometimes I still wish that was me? If you couldn't figure it out, there are still lingering feelings for him. I guess the only thing I can do is give up. I am leaving for college soon so nothing really matters.

Other guys have kind of looked my way but truthfully, and pardon the language, but I don't give a fuck. I am so sick of being hurt; being the only one who is trying; being the only who is hurt but jack asses.

I leave for UMF on August 27th. I am very excited. My roommate is Alisha Gustin. She sounds so nice. We have only talked over the internet and text but that is fine because I still can kind of understand her personality and see how this year is going to be. She will be a sophomore so I will have someone who is close to ask questions if I need help. We are living in Scott North 214. We are almost next to the bathrooms, which are singles so I don't have to worry about seeing guys junk bright and early in the morning, but they could still be living next door to me. Gotta love my life.

Well I better go to bed. I don't know when the next time I will update this again but it's a good way for me to let stuff out and blow off some steam.